So there was this young lady I dated in a rather passionate (albeit turbulent) exclusive relationship back from 2000 to 2003. We went through a great deal together. From Break-ups to make-ups and everything in between, we trudged through it all. When I decided we should truly part ways in summer of 2003, it wasn’t long before we made contact with each other in 2004. You know that “just checking to see how you’re doing” call. Regardless, it wasn’t long before we were back in the sack “scratching each other’s itches” during the duration of our singlehood. Once one of us decided to be in a committed relationship with someone else, we would be respectful of each other’s space and fall back. But every time we were both single, we exchanged “Oh Faces”.
This went on for years. YEARS. The last leg of our stint ran from 2009 to 2011. We would link up for exchanges on a weekly basis. Sometimes more if we could manage it. However things were a little different. Every so often she’d ask about us getting back together in an exclusive relationship. Each time that happened, I would gently slam my foot on the brakes and suggest a complete stoppage. I was hell-bent on not returning to that turbulent type of relationship. I would’ve sacrificed all physical contact to not go back there and she knew I was very serious. So each time I suggested we stop…she would come back with a “no…no we don’t have to stop…” and we’d be right back at it.
But in 2011, everything just started to feel wrong. I started really feeling bad about the whole thing. I felt like she was just biding her time and trying to wear me down until I just caved in and got back into a relationship with her. We had both been on dates with other folks but we really kept coming back to each other to “wrestle”. I had some serious epiphanies, which prompted some growth on my part. We would spend some entire weekends together just watching movies, and wrestling with one another. The time we spent would not allow anyone else to effectively come into my life or hers for that matter. It was an endless cycle, which became toxic in my spirit. I had to let her go. I felt terrible because while we were not in a relationship, it felt like I was breaking up with her ALL OVER AGAIN. Such a sad state of affairs but it had to be done. I have not heard from her since then.
In hindsight, I miss the friend that I had in her, but I don’t regret my decision at all. Since then I’ve cut off all exes and “options”. (Option=a friend that you can call on in a pinch. Otherwise known in the south as a “cut buddy”. 90’s R&B buffs would call it a “Homie Lover Friend”) I won’t say it wasn’t hard to do, and even today it still is. I don’t believe in using people for those purposes anymore. I’m older and I’d prefer to devote my energies to developing good friendships or seeing if a woman would be a potential wife. However, it seems like EVERYONE has options nowadays. I hardly ever meet a woman without at least one or two dicks in a glass case that she can “break open in case of emergency”. And as friendly as I am, whenever I meet a woman, she can’t believe that I don’t keep options lying around my apartment just ready to service me at a moment’s notice.
Truth is I simply don’t believe options allow us to find who’s meant to compliment our lives. It’s like a blinder to some degree, where even though my intentions may be good and pure, I’m automatically lumped into the “option” category for review with the rest of the dicks in the glass cases. As a gentleman, I know I simply must be patient and take my time. Karma always pays off. If you treat people well, it will come back to you. You can’t treat people like options and expect to be a priority. If you want to be a priority in someone’s life, you have to be willing and patient enough to find out if they’re worth being a priority in yours. The Bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing…but you won’t find a wife entertaining all of these hoes…” or something like that…*shoulder shrug*